Let go.

It's not that I don't want to be with Cody. I love him, I am in love with him, and I want to be with him. The regret that I am feeling is for not taking the chance I may have had to be with Sean. In high school, after high school, and during my separation from Cody. In my life, I have things I wish I would've done better, things I wish I would've said and done. But I can honestly say that the only regret I have at this point in my life is not sharing my feelings with Sean when I had the chance. Not appreciating how awesome and amazing he is.

It's breaking my heart that he isn't talking to me right now, but the longer it goes on, the more I realize that this is for the best. Sean is one of the best friends I've ever had (and probably will ever have), and of course I want him in my life. But the last thing I want is to hold him back. Whether that's from making new friends or finding the love of his life. I will always have these feelings for Sean, especially now that I've realized what I've been missing all this time. But the longer I go without talking to him, the pain is starting to lessen and I'm not thinking about him as much. I shouldn't have let my feelings get to this level, but I'm hopeful that they will settle back down eventually and I will be able to completely give myself to Cody again.

I read somewhere that it doesn't take sex with another person to cheat on your spouse. All it takes is keeping things from them, whether that is messages, feelings, or phone calls. Sean and I haven't done anything I would hide from Cody, but I know he would feel betrayed if he knew how many tears I've shed over Sean, how much time I've spent thinking about him, and the lingering feelings I have for him. So even though I have little control over the emotions I have, I HAVE to move towards getting over Sean so that I can be with Cody. Even if that means not talking to Sean for a long time.

I will pray for his happiness and safety, but I will also pray for the strength to let him go.