dream

Besides expressing pleasure in the fact that I dreamed of him, he didn't show any interest in finding out what happened in my dream. I don't want to forget it, so I wanted to get it down somewhere.

I dreamed we were back in his apartment, enjoying a lazy morning with each other. Being so close. It wasn't even a sensual dream, though we were affectionate. We were just together again and when I started to wake up, I tried desperately to hang on to the details and sensations.

I know that what's best for me is to focus on myself and healing. And when the time is right, I know that dating other people would be more wise. But I don't think I'll ever be able to get past these feelings I have for him. I can't ignore the connection we have and have always had. I know that this time of trial will be a blessing later on and I will grow immensely. I do wish, however, that there was a way for me to fast-forward to a year from now so that I can move on. I am completely blinded by my feelings, but there is no one else I would rather be with. And I have felt this way since high school. Shame on him for not expressing his feelings to me, but where was my courage? I wish I could go back and express how I felt. How different my life would have been..